A Moment In Time
by Natalie Elizabeth
Summary: "Josh help you with that?" "No, I broke it off with him. You were right. I didn't love him." Castle nodded. "So your here to tell me I was right. Thanks, good to know." He then walked away from her. Just because she was no longer attached, didn't mean he could forget the months of silence. It can take a millisecond for a heart to break but forever for it to heal. Set 'Rise'


LittleLizzieZentara IS AWESOME.

Ok just had to get that out of the way first. :)

In the past she has edited some of my work for me. Not an easy task. The Beta i was using recently can no longer do it for me : ( He was really great at it but I understand. So it mentioned Liz and she said if needed she MAY be able to do some for me. "MAY" I really wanted her to focus on her own writing and a few other important things in her life. I sent her this story in parts a few times because I originally wrote a big part of it while i was sick. I was worried it was just fully messed up, like my brain was. Hate head colds. So on Saturday night while being a little bit intoxicated (1 Martha sized glass of Moscato and i'm gone) i finally finished this story. At 4 am Sunday morning I sent it to her, again to ask her opinion. Also to make sure it wasn't just drunken nonsense. And if she had any time during the next two weeks could she edit it for me. Less than 48 hours later I receive an email from her. I excepted it to be notes and thoughts on the story. "Nat, don't write when you are drunk or sick." NOPE. She had done it. This extraordinary woman had edited this story for me.

THANKS LIZ,

I really appreciate it and I assume those who follow me do to. ( As they get to read a new story) :)

* * *

A moment in time

By

Natalie Elizabeth

Richard Castle award winning author stared at the book before him. He wanted to tear it to shreds. It wasn't the first time he felt like that, it occurred to him now and then. Except today he wasn't looking at one of Paterson's books, it was one of his own.

The cover was mocking him.

Why oh why had he chosen to have a silhouette of a woman on the cover? Was it because it was his tribute to a certain special secret agent? The movies always started that way. Or was it simply good business sense. Sex sold.

He regretted the cover decision now. Every book he brought out in the series sported a similar cover, a silhouette of a sexy woman. It was meant to be Nikki. Nikki Heat, a fictional character he had based on a woman he hadn't seen in over 3 months. It was torture having to sit there having the cover shoved in his face.

"Can you sign it to Tiffany. That's Tiffany with a 'ph' and an 'ie'"

Castle gritted his teeth as he looked up at the blonde twenty- something woman in front of him. Her name was probably the only thing she could spell, and she couldn't even do that right. Really, a 'ph' and an 'ie'. Who was giving birth to these brainless idiots? Brainless idiots that were now reproducing. Castle forced a smile before lowering his head and quickly scribbled a message in 'Tiphanie's' book.

"Hi, thanks for coming out," he gave her his rehearsed 'fan line' that he had probably said over a thousand times. He might as well have been saying 'Do you want fries with that?'

"Hi will you sign my chest?"

Castle looked up at the next fan to walk up to his desk. What chest?

He hung his head down in shame. When had he become so heartless? He knew the answer, three months ago! He didn't know the exact days hours or minutes, he wasn't that pathetic. No he didn't know how many seconds had passed since his heart had been ripped out and he had become a bitter and cynical asshole. But he had an app on is phone that would tell him. Castle reached for one of the spare books sitting next to him.

"Sorry my policy is I only sign my books or authorised products," he finally answered.

Castle signed his book and handed it over to probably another illiterate fan before hanging his head down again. He was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Insomnia had been his latest demon. Loss of appetite and depression had visited recently too. At least when he had been sleeping all the time he had an excuse for wearing his pyjamas 24/7.

This was the first book signing he had attended for Heat Rises. He should have been doing them for weeks but he had been putting them off. If Alexis hadn't threatened to put him into psychiatric facility, he would still be sitting on his couch trying to figure out when he last had a shower. Apparently washing spilled bourbon off his hand didn't count.

When another book slid into his line of sight Castle sighed. It was time to stop being a miserable, cynical asshole and Start to be a happy, smiling author. Or at least pretend to be. He tried to put a smile on his face but the muscles just wouldn't cooperate. How long had it been since he smiled?

"Who should I make it out to?" he asked wishing the nightmare that was this book signing would just end so he could go home and...well do nothing.

"Kate. You can make it out to Kate."

Castle looked up and stared at the woman he hadn't seen in 95 days, except today didn't count. She looked nervous and she had every right to be. How dare she turn up to a book signing when she hadn't called him in-what had his app said the last time he checked-2280 hours. He hadn't seen her in 2280 hours. Castle did something that was harder than getting out of bed in the morning. He tore his eyes away from her.

"Is that Kate with a C or K?"

"Castle, can we talk?"

Castle quickly scribbled his standard line in her book before handing it back.

"Sorry, I am feeling really tired at the moment but I'll call you"

Two could play at that game.

"Castle,"

"Next, please."

"Castle-"

"Next PLEASE!"

* * *

Castle picked up his pens and other paraphernalia and threw it into his bag. His next signing wasn't for a few days, a prerequisite he always had in place. Not only did his hand get sore from writing but his face muscles got sore from fake smiling. Except this time his face was fine, no fake smiling. No smiling at all. Walking out the back entrance he exchanged pleasantries with a few of the book store employees before heading to the nearest liquor store. He barely made it two steps when his eyes locked onto Beckett. Damn! He hadn't been expecting that.

He prided himself on the fact that his steps didn't falter. He just kept walking.

"Castle, wait,"

"I did wait," he told her as he continued to walk. He pulled out his phone and activated it. "I waited for," Castle frowned at the number on his screen. "8208000 seconds,"

Castle heard the familiar sound of Beckett's heels on the pavement moments before she appeared in front of him.

"What do you want Beckett?"

"I want to explain?"

"You had your chance," he told her as he tried to step around her but she wouldn't let him.

"Castle, look I am sorry I didn't contact you but I needed time to heal,"

"Josh help you with that?" he snarled.

Castle watched as Beckett's shoulders sunk.

"No we broke up,"

A smile broke out on his face. His skin practically crackled at the unusual behaviour. This wasn't a smile of joy however. It was an evil smile. "Did he get tired of putting up with you too?"

He saw anger flit across her face. Good. It's about time she felt a little of what he was feeling.

"No, I broke it off with him. You were right. I really liked him but I didn't love him."

Castle nodded at her. "So your here to tell me I was right. Thanks good to know."

He then gently pushed her to the side and walked away from her as she had done to him 13 weeks ago.

* * *

Castle lazily made his way over to the door of his loft. He tried to ignore the knocking for five minutes but it seemed as if they weren't going away. What was with people bugging him while he was in the middle of, well doing nothing? That wasn't the point he didn't want to be disturbed after the day he had.

Opening the door he immediately tried to close it but failed miserably. Damnn it, his reflexes were dulled by alcohol. Well if she wanted to come in he wasn't going to stop her. Pretty much because he had proved he couldn't.

"Castle,"

Castle walked away from Beckett again and went into his office. He picked up a file before walking back into the room. She was standing near the couch so he threw the file there.

"Here,"

She made a show of acting surprised.

"What is this?" Beckett asked.

"The file with all the information about your mother's case, your shooter?"

He didn't wait for her to respond, just simply turned and walked away. Something that was becoming increasingly easy to do. Walking back into his study he picked up a bottle of scotch that he had recently cracked open.

"Why are you giving me this?"

Castle sighed. She had followed him.

"It's the file you wanted. It's why you came here isn't it. Why you sought me out. Ryan called, said you had been at the precinct looking for the information."

"No,"

Castle whirled around.

"You don't want to find the guy,"

Beckett seemed flustered.

"I do but that isn't the reason I came here."

Castle shook his head at her. "Well I can't fathom any other reason."

Beckett rolled her eyes at him. "Don't be like this Rick,"

"Like what?" he challenged.

"Evasive. Distant."

"Do you think that behaviour is reserved for just you?" Castle took the lid of his bottle of scotch and raised it to his mouth. The amber liquid barely made it past his lips before the bottle was ripped from his hand.

He stared at Beckett in shock before snatching the bottle back. The expression that swept over Beckett's face was one that she reserved for killers. She snatched the bottle back from him but this time threw it against the wall. The bottle shattered and Castle stared as his precious liquid ran down the wall.

"What the hell Kate!"

"What the hell, Rick! You're drinking?"

Castle turned and went to his drawers where he kept a secret stash.

"Yeah, well I needed something to comfort me the last three months, 95 days, 13 weeks 2282 hours and like a million minutes."

Castle retrieved the small silver canister from the bottom of his drawer. He shook it a few times. Thankfully he hadn't been to drunk to remember to fill it the last time he had drained it. Castle closed his drawer before straightening, his prize in his hand, The flask was snatched from his grasp and hurtled across the room. It hit the wall much like his bottle had only moment earlier but thankfully it didn't break.

"You don't need this," Beckett yelled at him.

"Oh I think I do," he told her as he went after his bottle. "I need this to dull the memory of seeing the woman I love shot." Castle picked up flask and took a long swig. "I need this to stop having the reoccurring nightmares of you dying in my arms."

Beckettt hung her head down. "I am sorry Rick?"

Castle held his hands up in the internationally known form of surrender. "Wow, hold the presses here! Someone call Ripley's. Did I just hear a 'you're right' and an 'I'm sorry' from you in one day? What exactly are you sorry for Beckett? Getting shot? For me having nightmares? For not calling me?"

"All of it,"

She walked over to him and Castle held his flask tight. She wasn't getting this one. Her hand wrapped around his but he wouldn't let go of his lifeline. Beckett bent her head down and placed her lips over the bottle spout. Castle relaxed his arm as Beckett brought the flask and the joined hands up so she could take a sip. When he thought she had enough he brought their hands down. Not that he was an expert on when someone had enough to drink.

"I am sorry for not being here," she told him.

Castle forced the bottle into her hand and ripped his out from under hers.

"Why is that, Beckett? Why weren't you here?"

"I needed to heal,"

Castle scoffed, and turned away from her and looked out the window. His feet crunched on the broken glass and he was glad he had been too lazy to take his shoes off when he got home.

"Is there something in the air in New York City that stops your skin knitting together?" he asked her. It was a smart ass remark but he really wanted to know.

She came and stood next to him staring out the window.

"I wasn't talking about my chest healing Rick; I was talking about my heart."

Castle turned to look at her as she took another drink.

"My heart was broken Castle. It broke when my mother died. I felt like I lost my mother and my father. You know the saying 'if it ain't broke don't fix it'. Well for me it's like, it's broken and I didn't want to fix it. If it's fixed there is a chance it can get broken again."

Castle gulped. He had spent so much time feeling sorry for himself, so much time hating her. He had made it all about him, his feelings. Heartless had been a word he had used to describe her so many drunken nights. Had his drunken musings been wrong? She wasn't heartless simply heart broken.

"You can't cotton wool your heart," he told her.

She nodded before turning away. "I know,"

Beckett moved away from him and placed his flask on his desk. He thought she was leaving but instead she sat on his couch. She brought one leg up and hugged it to her chest as she hung her head down. "I want to fix my broken heart but now I don't know how. I thought getting out of the city would somehow help, you know. Just give me some breathing space to... Well I don't know, really."

Castle sighed. "I don't understand. Why are you here, Beckett? What do you want?"

Beckett looked up at him. "I want you."

Castle was surprised. She wanted him. Wanted him how? Wanted his mind, wanted his body, wanted his bank account? What?

"And?" he asked

Beckett frowned. "And what?"

Castle took a few steps towards her then thought better of it. Maybe distance was better. He leant against his desk.

"And what did you hope to accomplish by coming here and telling me that, huh. I want you. Seriously! Did you just think I would throw you up against the wall and make love to you? Forget everything that has happened. Everything that didn't happen"

Beckett seemed flustered. "Ahh. Well. No. I..."

"Then what?" Castle interrupted.

Beckett didn't answer.

"Just take the file and go," he told her.

"I didn't come for the file dammit!" Beckett looked up at him and he saw her eyes were glassy. "If all I wanted was the file I would have contacted you ages ago."

"Oh that's great! You would have contacted me for the file but not to say hello," Castle needed to create distance from her now. He stood up but decided against walking out towards his kitchen. She could stand up and block his path. Maybe it was a bad idea to retreat into his study. He then turned and looked at his bedroom. That was a bad idea too, Beckett in his bedroom saying she wanted him. He could hide in his bathroom maybe, it had a lock on it. Or he could throw his pillows at her if she tried to get close to him.

"Castle that's not what I meant, I came to see you. I wanted to sort things out with us."

"Right which is why you went to the precinct first," Castle walked out of his study. He had to get away. Walking into his room quickly he tried to slam the door behind him but it was too late! She had already followed him.

"Castle, I went to the precinct first to see if I could do my job. I needed to find some stability first."

Castle spun around and faced her."Because I am so unstable with my daughter and my mother living with me. That's why you couldn't come to me first."

She shook her head at him.

"No Castle I am the one who is unstable but I am trying not to be. It's why I came back to work a week early. Did Ryan tell you that? I wasn't due back for another week. I was sick of putting my life on hold. I went to the precinct because I thought you would be there to, help my transition."

"I got kicked out,"

"I know, which is why I came to find you."

She took a step forward so he took a step back. His legs hit his bed and for a second he found himself floundering. Suddenly he was pulled forward by Beckett. They both looked down at her hand clenched in his shirt.

Beckett licked her lips. "Yes, I need to have this thing with my mother resolved. But I also want to start something, too, with you."

Something? She wanted to start something with him.

"Start something. As in an argument?"

Beckett bit her lip. "No Castle, not an argument. A relationship." She released her grip on his shirt and smoothed down the wrinkles she had created.

"We have a relationship now," he barely managed to get out. Her hand touching his chest was sending electrical sparks to his brain, shorting it out.

"No we have a friendship. I want more than that,"

Castle gulped. "Friends with benefits?" he questioned. "Because if that's what you want then forget it."

"No," she told him angrily.

Castle managed to squeeze past her and headed for his bathroom.

He didn't get there.

Once again he lost his balance but this time it was because Beckett had pushed him. Castle landed on his bed and bounced a few times. He rolled over onto his back and stared at the crazy woman before him.

"What is wrong with you Beckett?"

Beckett stalked over to the bed. "I get angry when people walk away from me,"

Castle sat up on his bed. "Yeah, well welcome to the club."

Beckett knelt on the bed. "Maybe you should have done something about it if you weren't happy."

Castle narrowed his eyes at her. "You said you needed time,"

Beckett started crawling towards him. "Since when do you follow orders?"

Castle started scrambling away from her until he hit the wall behind his bed.

"I... I... I..."

Castle's speech was halted by Beckett pressing her lips to his. Her hands then returned to the front of his shirt and she began unbuttoning it. For a millisecond he thought about letting her continue. No a microsecond, a nanosecond, but he couldn't.

"No," he ground out pushing her away.

Beckett sat back and looked at him surprised. "You're saying no to me?"

Castle wiped his hand across his mouth. "Yes, I mean no. I am saying no to this. I want more than sex from you,"

"We weren't going to have sex Castle,"

"But you were unbuttoning my shirt,"

Beckett laughed. "I didn't come here to have sex with you Castle, I came here to make love to you."

Castle had heard a lot of things that day that he thought he would never hear. This by far was the most unexpected.

"What?"

"I want to fix my broken heart with love, Castle. Your love, our love,"

She leaned in again but he held his hand up to halt her. He couldn't do this. Watching way to many girly movies with Alexis gave him knowledge of what could happen next. He didn't want to wake up in the morning and have Beckett say it was all a mistake. If they were going to do this, it was going to be a long slow process.

"I want to help you fix your broken heart, Beckett, but it won't happen in a moment."

Beckett nodded at him. "You're right. I am sorry. I am just finally ready to dive in,"

"Not checking the water first though," he told her.

Beckett bit her lip. "Now I am wondering if there is any water to check,"

Castle frowned trying to get his head around this metaphor. Water was a metaphor for a relationship so if there wasn't any water.

"No, No, No. There is water, plenty of water. I wasn't sure there was anyone wanting to swim in it with me."

Beckett winced. "This metaphor is getting a little weird."

Castle sighed. "Fine, be straight with me, Beckett. What exactly do you want from me? No metaphors or evasive responses just the truth. Plain and simple."

Beckett gulped. "I want the opportunity to love you, the way you love me. If you can still love me that is,"

Castle stared in shock. She loved him. Beckett actually said the words. Well not exactly. She hadn't said, 'I love you', she wanted the opportunity to love him. To love him, the way he loved her. Beckett knew of his love for her, and believed it to be true.

"I guess that answers my question. I should go,"

Castle was startled when he felt the bed move. Beckett was leaving.

"No, Beckett wait! I do still have feelings for you,"

"But?"

Castle ran a hand through his hair. "But my heart is a little broken, too,"

"Can I help fix it?" she asked him.

Castle nodded.

"How?" she asked.

Castle took a deep breath. He had been trying to keep his distance between himself and the extraordinary woman before him. She had closed that distance, though, by opening up to him.

"Get off the bed,"

Beckett seemed startled by this request but she did as he asked. Castle followed her then pulled back the sheets from his bed.

"Take off your shoes and anything uncomfortable,"

Beckett frowned at him. "I thought we weren't going to sleep together?"

Castle shook his head as he removed his shirt and started unbuttoning his pants. "I said we weren't going to made love or have sex. What I do need is sleep."

"Sleep?" she questioned.

"I need I'd say a good 50 hours of interrupted sleep. I need to sleep and not have nightmares of you dying. I need to sleep with you in my arms knowing that you are safe."

Beckett nodded and sat on the edge of the bed so she could remove her heels. "Okay. On one condition. We make it 100 hours,"

Castle smiled as he sat on the bed next to her in his boxers, his pants pooling around his ankles. He yanked off his shoes, something he probably should have done first. The fact that Beckett was taking off her pants next to him didn't help his brain function well either.

"So you haven't been sleeping well, either."

Beckett shook her head. "No, I've been having nightmares, too."

"Of being shot?" he asked her.

"No. That you were."

Castle turned and looked at her. It seemed as if they had both been struggling with their own demons. Each seemed as stubborn as the other. He could have called her but she could have called him. Castle shuffled back on his bed and tucked his feet under the covers. He laid on his side and for a heartbeat wondered if he was making a fool of himself. When Beckett climbed into bed beside him and pulled the covers up his fears were quelled. Laying side by side they stared at each other, a rare moment of awkward silence. Beckett eventually took the initiative and inched closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. A little nervous on exactly where the boundaries were, Castle hesitantly wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

Beckett sighed into his chest. "It's been so long since I felt like this,"

Castle tilted his head to look down at her. "Like what?"

Beckett gave him a light squeeze. "Safe. Content. At peace. Happy,"

Kissing her gently on the head Castle smiled. "I promise to do everything I can to make you feel that way forever."

The end .

* * *

So what did you think.

The character may seem a bit OOC or to angry. I just wanted to see some emotion in these two instead of always holding back.

So yeah let me know. Was this drunken nonsense or not to bad : )

More stories from me soonish provided I can find some one to edit them for me. Check out my profile for details

You guys are awesome. Until next time XOXOXO


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